Mom could also be an author,
As could my beloved father!
Or, how 'bout my elder brother
And his signif-IH-cant other?
(I dislike that rhythm there,
But I figure you won't care.) 

I think moM should throw her hat in,
Now that we've got Josh and Matt in. 

There once was an ingrate from Texas
Who said, "dunno how God expects us
To do as He's said
And thank Him for bread
When the neighbors are driving a Lexus." 

There once was a man from Wisconsin
who angered the poor and bourgeois in
his yacht and Corvette
and his living room set
and his face just like Lyndon Baines Johnson. 

Had a chimichanga just the other day--
Didn't want to have one and forget to say. 

There once was a poet from Bal'more
Who wanted to write about armor.
But try as he might,
He could not win the fight
And had to give up. What a bummer!
 

When at my friend the mechanic's I'm seated,
Like a negligent parent I'm always treated.
Whatever I say, it's like I've just asked,
If he'd be so kind, to change the gas.

If internal combustion, as I'm sure he'll
Admit, is such a great invention,
Why can't he keep his judgment internal,
And emulate his precious engine?

Like many, I'm sure, who've gone before,
I think home remedy's the cure.
If again my car for a tune-up beseeches,
I'll forgo my mechanic and apply some leeches. 

I rushed to her house in a state of distress,
Bearing tube socks, earmuffs and a vest,
But when I arrived, she wasn't impressed.
She wasn't indecent; just "under duress." 

Though I, for one, consider it silly,
I see why some might idolize Billy.
But one thing I don't understand, not at all--
What could have possessed you to simonize Paul? 

It would bring me no end of serenity
To see some more outright obscenity.
And of innuendo will my poems smack?
Only that which deeply lacks

All sense of common propriety--
Bestowing a quick notoriety
On one, if related to those of more piety
Than E. Coli bacilli (the killer variety).

Meter anything but sound;
Rhymes so slanted, they fall to the ground.
Casual readers will be grimly reminded
Of Gettysburg, looking on all the rhyme carnage.

References? They'll be deeply obscure, to
The point of not being at all.
And how shocking!--the things that I plan to refer to,
Their knowledge requiring unrefined gall.

Hopefully this will help steer us, posthaste,
Towards dignity, class, and always, good taste. 

Hey Ryan, please start posting.
With rhymes in short supply,
the-vardemans are hosting,
But you're the go-to guy!